It will be close to 5 months now since I gave birth to my baby girl and I still feel a little wacko!! I have a loving and supportive husband, a beautiful beautiful daughter that I am in love with but why am I not completely happy? What is missing? What is going on in my body? Why can't I sleep if my baby is now sleeping 5-6 hours straight!
I keep having crying episodes and they are all for random senseless reasons! Like today I was trying to pull out a jacket from the back of my closet and when I pulled it out half of the rack fell! I was so angry furious about it! I threw a lil tantrum kicking shoes on the floor, tossing clothes all over, clenching my teeth, and of course crying!! I was in such a rage and over a jacket! Seriously who does that? This crazy woman here!! Omg now I feel so stupid and I can't believe I made an even bigger mess over a stupid jacket! Then later that night I cried again because I ate a hot dog!!! What in the world is going on? Over a hot dog? I felt really guilty for eating junk! And lately my appetite has increased all I wanna do is eat eat eat which just makes me be mad at myself! I feel irritable and I'm assuming it's because of all the junk I stuff my face with!! I don't want to talk to no one about it, not even my husband as supportive as he may be he wouldn't understand! I'm a girl I'm just supposed to be emotional and sentimental right??!! No one really understands what I'm going through just like every pregnancy is different every postpartum is also different!
So stop eating junk then, get your butt to the gym, and make yourself happy right?? Well it's not that easy! I know my body is still changing and I'm still adapting to motherhood! I know my hormone levels are dropping and are pretty high still (which may be the reason why I snap and become a witch sometimes) but why me? How many other mothers go through something similar to this? I was gonna keep quiet but I'm still crying over the hot dog issue and have so many emotions right now that I need to vent somehow!
I blame myself! I supposed I'm weak to let little things get to me, I feel hopeless, I have a low self-esteem!! DEPRESSION?? Seriously? That's for the weak!!
Am I? I cant be! I'm happy also I don't cry over food every day and I still manage to smile and laugh with my family! I enjoy time alone with my baby, and enjoy time off from her to spend time with my husband! I enjoy time when it's just the three of us! I don't neglect my baby or family! I still wake up every morning and maintain a good body hygiene (I read that when people are depressed they lack body hygiene eww I know but only they know what they are going through, also they spend all day in bed and avoid social outings) I do not fit that description! I am out the door with every chance I get. I have my crying episodes every once in a while and they last about 15-20 mins and soon after that I'm up and about smiling like nothing happened, therefore if it's not depression then what is it? I'm crazy?? Shut up!! LOL it cant be the baby blues since they last just a few weeks after child birth so that's off my list!!
I feel a little better after writing this! Being a mother is seriously not an easy task as I thought it would be! Some mothers are lucky to have babies that are mellow and give no trouble at all! (just to make it clear I do not regret my daughter I love her dearly) the problem is ME! My emotions and stupid hormones are at it's peak and are getting the best of me. I simply need to work on my self-esteem I guess! Suggestions anyone? I'm hardheaded and stubborn but I still wanna hear them!
Big sighhhhh of relief!!! Thanks for reading this far!
Love one crazy lil woman ha
I keep having crying episodes and they are all for random senseless reasons! Like today I was trying to pull out a jacket from the back of my closet and when I pulled it out half of the rack fell! I was so angry furious about it! I threw a lil tantrum kicking shoes on the floor, tossing clothes all over, clenching my teeth, and of course crying!! I was in such a rage and over a jacket! Seriously who does that? This crazy woman here!! Omg now I feel so stupid and I can't believe I made an even bigger mess over a stupid jacket! Then later that night I cried again because I ate a hot dog!!! What in the world is going on? Over a hot dog? I felt really guilty for eating junk! And lately my appetite has increased all I wanna do is eat eat eat which just makes me be mad at myself! I feel irritable and I'm assuming it's because of all the junk I stuff my face with!! I don't want to talk to no one about it, not even my husband as supportive as he may be he wouldn't understand! I'm a girl I'm just supposed to be emotional and sentimental right??!! No one really understands what I'm going through just like every pregnancy is different every postpartum is also different!
So stop eating junk then, get your butt to the gym, and make yourself happy right?? Well it's not that easy! I know my body is still changing and I'm still adapting to motherhood! I know my hormone levels are dropping and are pretty high still (which may be the reason why I snap and become a witch sometimes) but why me? How many other mothers go through something similar to this? I was gonna keep quiet but I'm still crying over the hot dog issue and have so many emotions right now that I need to vent somehow!
I blame myself! I supposed I'm weak to let little things get to me, I feel hopeless, I have a low self-esteem!! DEPRESSION?? Seriously? That's for the weak!!
Am I? I cant be! I'm happy also I don't cry over food every day and I still manage to smile and laugh with my family! I enjoy time alone with my baby, and enjoy time off from her to spend time with my husband! I enjoy time when it's just the three of us! I don't neglect my baby or family! I still wake up every morning and maintain a good body hygiene (I read that when people are depressed they lack body hygiene eww I know but only they know what they are going through, also they spend all day in bed and avoid social outings) I do not fit that description! I am out the door with every chance I get. I have my crying episodes every once in a while and they last about 15-20 mins and soon after that I'm up and about smiling like nothing happened, therefore if it's not depression then what is it? I'm crazy?? Shut up!! LOL it cant be the baby blues since they last just a few weeks after child birth so that's off my list!!
I feel a little better after writing this! Being a mother is seriously not an easy task as I thought it would be! Some mothers are lucky to have babies that are mellow and give no trouble at all! (just to make it clear I do not regret my daughter I love her dearly) the problem is ME! My emotions and stupid hormones are at it's peak and are getting the best of me. I simply need to work on my self-esteem I guess! Suggestions anyone? I'm hardheaded and stubborn but I still wanna hear them!
Big sighhhhh of relief!!! Thanks for reading this far!
Love one crazy lil woman ha
man, not sure what you are going through girl, obviously im not a mother [yet! :) but I just say try to catch yourself before you feel the way you do...does that make sense? Don't be so hard on yourself if you have an unhealthy snack to eat just keep working out. Have a positive attitude for everything & you'll see how things will change for you! xoxo
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